Because it’s good to know…

I filled out this little questionair. You should probably do it to and tell me your results because I’d really like to know how I would stack up in this situation.

The Zombie Bite Calculator

Created by Oatmeal

Filed under: zombies

The Navy base thrift store is now carrying used goats, apparently.

Finally. This is what I’ve been looking for for, like, EVER. 
Plus, I’ve always said the government should be in the used goat business.

And how can I NOT pick up my own hand-me-down goat? You’re right. I CAN’T not.

This is making my whole day, people.

Filed under: Um...

The twilight zone I’m still living in after 2 months. Moving.

Moving is awesome.  But only if you enjoy the feeling of being stabbed repeatedly in the the head with a table leg. Then feeling better. Then being stabbed again. Then having this happen over and over again so much that any time somebody mentions the word moving, or move, or box you duck, cover, curl up into the fetal position and gently cry, I don’t want it, I don’t want it, again and again.

We moved more than 2 months ago. The government paid for this because we were moving into base housing and so the movers came to our house and threw everything in boxes and then drove to our new house 10 miles away and threw everything out of the boxes and broke some junk.  They KNEW they broke stuff and didn’t even tell me. Also, they packed their cigarettes in with my toiletries (I don’t smoke), left bottles laying around with spent cigarettes in them (again, I don’t smoke), and left trash all in my yard at the old house and at this new one. Also, they failed to fully unpack us and I had to call and complain for them to come back and finish.
Yeah. I know.
Before the moving team left, head mover guy left me with some claim forms to fill out incase we found damaged goods. He said that I was not to file the claim with the Navy but I was to send the claim to the mover’s office – to the address on the form – within 70 days. About two weeks ago, on day 58, I had my claim forms filled out and ready to go and I called the company to make sure I was doing everything right. The call went something like this.

Me: I have my claim form ready and want to make sure that I’m sending it to the correct address.

Her: You don’t send that here.  You have to send that to the Navy.

Me: The moving guy said to send it to you guys.

Her: Oh posh. Those guys don’t know anything.
She was kind of chuckling.

Me: Oh.
I wasn’t surprised by this announcement.

Her: Look in the upper corner of the form. There should be an address. You are to send the form to that address.

Me: Okay.
I rattled off the address really quick.

Her: Oh. That’s our address. I guess you’re supposed to send the form here.

So I did. And I heard nothing back. So, on day 70 I called them to make sure they did receive it because, dang it, I was getting my full value replacement costs.  And here is how that conversation went.

Me: Hello. I sent in a claim form two weeks ago and wanted to make sure you received it.

Her: The claims person is out of the office until tomorrow. I can take a message.

Me: Well, today is day 70 and I really need to know that y’all received my form.

Her: Hold on. I’ll peek on his desk.

Me: Thanks.

Her: Yes. We received it last week, however, this isn’t the right form.

This is how wars get started, people.

Not only did head moving guy AND the gal on the phone both tell me to send in THAT SPECIFIC PAPERWORK, but apparently Mr. Claims Guy had my paperwork, my WRONG paperwork sitting on his desk for more than a week without calling me or anything about me needing to fill out and send in a different form.

And why did the mover give me the wrong form in the first place?  Was it because he knew the piano was broken? The full size electric concert piano with weighted keys that we bought USED for $750?

Well played moving guy. Well played.

But I’m still getting my money.

Today, after yet another call to the mover’s office, I got the new form they mailed to me filled out and in the mailbox but who knows what’s going to happen next. Because the only thing I’m absolutely sure about right now is that all six of my boys will look at me with slack mouths when I ask them who is responsible for the soaked dish cloths left in random places. Like in the corner of the hallway, in the downstairs bathroom, in a ziploc baggie under the kitchen sink….

And why?

Filed under: we took an adventure

I take notes a lot. It’s an idea I got from another blogger a while back and I find it strangely enjoyable and since I can’t think of anything to write on this blog and nothing has been able to help me saw through this little writer’s block that is apparently made out of a material that can’t be sawed through, I thought I’d give you a peek inside my journal. 

I know you’re excited about this but I’ll just warn you that today was somewhat melancholy so don’t expect too much.
As a matter of fact, you should probably expect a total fail.

  • Feeling like nothing is funny on this day.
  • Lucy overflowed her diaper 3 times in 20 minutes. It got on me.
  • Great. My washing machine is peeing everywhere.
  • I keep getting sidetracked by and then sucked into Pinterest. It may be time to stage an intervention for myself. What kind of food should I bring to something like that? Oh! I bet Marty has pinned something perfect for this. I should go look.
  • I cut my finger. It doesn’t hurt now so it’ll probably hurt like a $%#& later.
  • What color is crimson? Isn’t it a dark red? I’ll google it.
  • Great. Internet is not working. Again. Trying to be content with just using my phone as a modem but my phone and my computer are not on good terms. I have a giveaway post I need to write. And I suppose I’ll never know for sure what color crimson is now.
  • SLOW DOWN!
  • I need to write another Facebook post about why I don’t have Facebook. Or not. It feels redundant.
  • I miss my rabbit.
  • There is this lizard staring at me. He’s puffed up and kind of dancing. I think maybe he likes me or something. It’s either that or he’s distracting me so a bigger lizard can come from my right and eat my head.  Oh wait… Never mind.
  • My brother called me from Bahrain. Yay because in just a few months they’re moving back to the states. Can’t wait to pinch my new newphew’s cheeks. Gently.
  • Shopping at OldNavy.com but I won’t buy anything. I don’t even know why I ever go there.
  • Seriously, you’d think that with 25 kids out on this street right now people would drive a little slower but no. And there is always this one girl… I just want to take a picture of her car and put it on a sign with an arrow pointing to it and the words slow the flip down already! This is one of those things that almost warrants a curse except there are 25 kids around. Also, I don’t use words like that.
  • There are some odd people around here. I’m totally including myself in this. However, I often wonder what happened to make the family across from us so angry.
  • I think it would be curiously fabulous to go to Dragon*Con next year.  I never knew it was held so close to us. Always thought it was a west coast thing.
  • I’m already thinking about Christmas, y’all.
  • My 4 year old totally taught himself how to ride a two wheeled bike and I find that amazing.

And those were my notes from today.  
As you can maybe tell, I write my notes like I’m writing to somebody. It’s kind of like a paper blog I guess. I don’t title it Dear Diary either because I’m not 11 anymore.  Also, my handwriting is way messier than it transcribes. And there are a lot of scratch outs and strike throughs.  

P.S. The finger cut and the crimson question have nothing to do with each other.
P.P.S. We just started schooling the kids again and I have no idea how I missed writing any notes on that. Weird.

Filed under: The Daily Note

The other day the Rabbit noticed some weird bug bite thing going on on his stomach and it itched and was spreading and then started to hurt. I suggested that he caught (or was given) some sort of X-Files-ish thing while in the Bahamas hunting underwater aliens with his helicopter but he just laughed a little like I was kidding but I wasn’t and it got worse and he had to go to the doctor and the doctor said, Your wife was right.
But not about him being infected with alien babies. I was right when I said if it wasn’t an alien disease it was probably shingles.

So, yeah. The Rabbit has shingles. Or at least that’s what they’re calling it to cover for something much more conspiracy theory-ish.
I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’. I’ve seen that one military pilot alien rash episode of the X-Files, people. It’s scary stuff.

He’s not really sick or anything but the doc gave him something strong for any future pain anyway. Real strong. Like Percocet. I really hope this stays mild though. I’ve heard that shingles can be awful. Also, I really want to get the garage cleaned out. I have plans for that place.

Filed under: conspiracyThe Rabbit

Dear Technorati,

Here are your stinkin’ numbers: 8Z6885CC6U82. I hope you’re happy for making post something that makes absolutely zero sense to anybody.

Insincerely,
The lady who writes this blog.

Filed under: Um...

The Rabbit is back from the Bermuda Triangle. He didn’t get dead or anything but I have a sneaking suspicion that he might not be who he says he is anymore. For one, he’s molting and two, well, molting should be enough. Also, there is no two. He’s acting pretty normal for being his alternate self or an alien or something.

Except for the fact that the people around the corner from us have a unicorn statue in their garden which is AWESOME but when I suggested how great an idea that was the Rabbit said no in a don’t be ridiculous kind of way as if having a unicorn in the garden is wrong or something but then I figured he didn’t want me to have a unicorn because we’d seem like copy cats or something and I said good call.  So I suggested that we could get an equally awesome pegasus instead and he said no to that too and he is so going to rue the day he told me I couldn’t have a horse with wings, y’all.

Just think pink flamingos, people. Or even better, pink flamingos riding pegasuses. Pegasi? Pegasai?

What on earth is the plural for pegasus?

Filed under: Someday I will have a unicorn for my gardenThe Rabbit

It’s been a tragically unfunny week.

I haven’t blogged much and I know you’re all disappointed but I’ve been busy moving. Like into a new house which is awesome because it’s at the beach but we’ve moved 10 times and this one has been the worst move ever. Imagine what it might be like to hire a bunch of 6 year olds to package your stuff.  Yeah. I’m just glad it was on the government’s dime. And we only lived here for 3 days before I got flagged down in my 12 passenger van and asked if I could haul a bunch of guys to the ships because white 12 passenger Chevy vans are what the military uses around here to bus guys around. I’m now thinking I may have young sailor types asking me for rides all the time. The Rabbit might take issue with this.

Meanwhile, back in the Bermuda Triangle, the Rabbit has been busy dropping torpedoes on underwater alien colonies probably and wrestling 7 foot stingrays and snorkeling and finding me a big conch shell and apparently getting so much sun that he needed to go to bed at 7. 

I miss him.

That’s all I have to say. Hopefully I’ll be less tragically unfunny tomorrow and will be able to write you the most hilarious thing you’ve ever read. Or maybe not. I’m not promising anything people.

Filed under: just a noteThe Rabbit

Okay, so I haven’t posted in a few days and I know you guys are all sitting on the edges of your seats waiting to hear the latest Rabbit in the Bermuda Triangle saga. Well, I’ve got some news for you and you better just hang onto your britches because what I’m about to tell you is totally The Monster at the End of This Book type stuff.

Remember how I talked about the giant people-eating owls that live on Andros Island in the Bermuda Triangle and how the Rabbit is in the Bermuda Triangle on Andros Island doing aquatic alien surveillance probably and we were all worried that he was going to get owl bit or something?

Well, here is the only owl the Rabbit has seen and I seriously don’t know what to think. Is this thing going to be doing any eating of people? Like the Rabbit?
Wait. Don’t owls eat stuff like Rabbits?
This isn’t looking too good I don’t think.

I’m still not convinced that this is the mythical Chickcharney but whatever because seriously, what kind of coincidence is it that I write a post about giant menacing owls and there just happens to be this thing living in the helicopter hangar the Rabbit walks around in every single day? The man LIVES on the wild side, I tell you.

Then the Rabbit got shot at with a styrofoam missile only he didn’t tell me it was styrofoam until after it happened so I went all day hoping and praying that he would do really well on the evading part of his helicopter flying exercise because people would be SHOOTING MISSILES AT HIM. After that he went snorkeling and the people told him, Watch out for sharks. And barracudas.

In other news, Craigslist is being a total jerk.

Also, I taste like bread. Or tea. Apparently I’m like a staple.

And, who can ignore this? I certainly can’t.

Filed under: conspiracyI'm insomni-blogging againThe Rabbit

And THIS is why I have a love/hate relationship with Google.

Google Maps proved itself awesome once again when I clicked get directions and then typed in that I wanted instructions on how to get from China to Taiwan which was a total lie because I have no desire to go to either of those places but I put it in anyway because I’m a sinner and Kait told me to and here is what good old Google came up with.

Also, direction number 49 seems kind of vague given the fact that I just SWAM ACROSS THE PACIFIC OCEAN. The upside to this is that the directions are written in half Chinese and half English so they can benefit just about everybody except those few people not fluent in both Chinese and English.

This is just a lawsuit waiting to happen, people.

Filed under: Um...

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