Nobody else here reads good. Apparently.

Valet freaking parking, people. They totally parked our giant 12 passenger van for us.

image

Also, apparently nobody Googled cocktail attire (specified in the invite as afternoon wedding type dress) except for me. Although I’m dressed well, I’m certainly not dressed formal. But instead of feeling like an idiot, I feel more like the only one smart enough to read directions. I should win something for this.

There will be more. The evening is just getting started.

Filed under: we took an adventure

It’s a dry clean only type of function. [update included]

Rabbit and I have a mandatory semi-formal function to attend tonight. Mandatory for him, anyway. Highly suggested for me. Usually if they highly suggest that I show my face at a military function I don’t go to make the point that I’m not in the Navy and they should ask nicer if they want wives to participate. However, we didn’t get to go to the Navy Ball this year because Rabbit was at sea so this is my chance to get dressed up in my best cocktail dress and eat very expensive, and likely dry and tasteless food.

It shouldn’t be too bad. I do get to wear a dress. A dress that says DRY CLEAN ONLY on the tag. Also, it’s open bar.
Bonus, y’all!

Update: We paid $65 a plate for this mandatory thing and Rabbit just informed me that it is, in fact, not open bar. What the heck, Navy?

Filed under: we took an adventure

How doctors work.

 

And then I jabbed my doctor in the eye with his little pen.  In my mind.

Update: I feel I must clarify – my arms didn’t actually fall off and if they did I wouldn’t just casually go visit a doctor at my local branch medical clinic because I wouldn’t be able to drive. Obviously. Also, how would I be typing this? That’s right, I wouldn’t because when a person has an arm off logic will tell you that the fingers would then be off too. 
I have chronic sinus pressure and severe sinus headaches and have gone to the doctor only a couple of times for it over the last 4 years because they’re completely unhelpful and this last doctor didn’t even examine me before explaining to me that instead of having an actual ”congestion problem”, I only perceived my “sinus issues”.  But it was when he did quotation marks in the air when he said sinus issues and sinus headaches and congestion that he got stabbed. In my mind.

I’m against people using air quotation marks wrong. Or at all.

Filed under: complaining about people again

I was sitting on the chaise/lounge couch thing by the window in my living room, playing one of those block puzzle games on my super duper smart phone, and got an idea to Google something, I don’t recall what, and reached over to grab my phone off the window sill to find that it wasn’t there.  So, I was looking for my phone which I couldn’t find anywhere because IT WAS IN MY HAND.

I am witless, people.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Rabbit and I were watching X-Files the other night… Again. It’s what we must do because there are 9 seasons and being on season 8 we’ve still got a season and a half to go, and then the two movies, before we can concentrate on anything else.  I would say that it’s getting old but it’s not and it has actually given me a new appreciation for weird. And I liked weird BEFORE I started watching the X-Files.

So, like I said, we were watching the X-Files and I was so tired and my ankles and heels were throbbing because I hurt them running and I was just sitting there not saying much at all and finally Rabbit turned to me and said, Are you okay? And I said, Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired. And he said, Oh. Because you’re very witless tonight.

Now, I’d heard the word witless before but couldn’t recall in what context so I asked Google.

Oh.

Apparently my husbands opinion of me isn’t what I thought it was.

So, either Rabbit thinks quiet = stupid or he didn’t really know what he was saying which I’m guessing is the latter because, while I’m silly and random, I’m no fool…  I don’t think.

Wait…

No. Never mind. I’m just going to stop now.

Update: I just looked up fatuous. It means pointless and I’m never looking up a word ever again.

Filed under: being me againThe Rabbit

And then he practically promised to buy me a narwhal.

Conversation Rabbit and I had while we were watching the X-Files the other night.

Rabbit: Hey, they have a lawn jockey.

Me: I think those are supposed to mean something bad. Or they use to. Or they didn’t but now they do.
         Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know anything.

Rabbit: I don’t think that one means anything bad.

Me: Speaking of… I really think it’s time I get a statue or something for the garden.

Rabbit: You are NOT putting a unicorn in our yard.

Me: What is it that you have against unicorns, anyway? Did you have a bad experience or something?

Rabbit (shaking his head): You are so weird.

Me: At least I’m not a unicorn hater.

Rabbit: Whatever. You’re still not putting a unicorn in the garden. 

Me:  [sigh]

Rabbit: But… you can have a narwhal.

Me: Oh my goodness, YES! That is the BEST idea because they’re like the unicorns of the sea!  And we live at the beach! Your wisdom astounds me sometimes, baby.

Rabbit sighed and shook his head again, almost imperceptibly.

Now, I know Rabbit only said I could put a statue of a narwhal in our garden because he is fairly certain that narwhal lawn ornaments don’t exist. However, I’m pretty sure that if I look hard enough I will find one and if I don’t I’m going to make one myself and I am going to put it in the garden and Rabbit is going to cringe but I’m going to remind him about our conversation, which is now DOCUMENTED.

This is going to be great.

How does one make a garden statue, anyway?

Filed under: conversations around here can get pretty interestingSomeday I will have a unicorn for my garden

This is the kind of stuff that goes viral on Youtube, people

When you buy your sweet baby girl her first giant pink bouncy ball at Walmart and your super helpful son throws it into the back of the van and it bounces off the seat, over his head, out of the van, and into the parking lot, and you go chase it because it’s what you must do and the wind is blowing and this giant bouncing thing keeps rolling right out of reach whenever you bend down to grab it and the whole thing looks like a Groucho Marx joke only in color…

And you think, I can’t believe I paid $2.50 for this.

Filed under: being me again

Read about this on Twitter this morning and just HAD to pass it along.

It seems that Westlake Ace Hardware is one of the few stores out there taking the impending zombie apocalypse seriously, however, instead of marketing just to the living during the dark time, they have turned their product promotion towards the infected as well, who, coincidentally, will make up the vast majority of the population.

That’s some kinda smart, I’d say.

The Rabbit does not understand this whole zombie thing.  I have no idea what has happened to him. Maybe he got some kind of infection that comes before zombie infection. Like he’s PRE-infected. Is that a thing?

Him: So, what is your fascination with zombies all about?

Me (did I really hear him correctly?): …   Hello… Zombies, dude.  They’re ZOMBIES.

Him (shaking his head): I just don’t get it.

Me: This is a sad day.  I may have to slay you later.

So , I guess it’s up to me to prepare the family for what is coming. Good thing I’m taking this whole thing seriously. And thanks to Westlake Ace Hardware, this job just got easier.

Filed under: zombies

what a difference a super deal on a sweet pair of shoes can make

I went back to the base thrift store this morning to pick out my used goat. I had added a sea bag onto my thrifty list because the Rabbit seems to have misplaced his and they’re, like, $70 new so I definitely wanted to snag him a $10 from the thrift store.

When I first  got to the store they didn’t have any sea bags but sometime between then and when I walked up to checkout that they had found one and it was on the back counter because they have rules about who they can sell them to – only to active duty or for active duty - and I was like, Ya-yuh! and was fully prepared to snatch it up until I was intercepted.

This man came waltzing right past me and spoke boldly out of turn to the lady who was walking up to check me out. He wanted that sea bag. She then proceeded to act as if I wasn’t standing there at the counter.  However, I knew I had nothing to worry about because he was definitely not active duty so that was good for me, right?

No. 

She told him he couldn’t have it but the guy wouldn’t give up and proceeded to sweet talk her while she continued to ignore me and she seriously ended up selling the bag to him because his college-aged son just wanted one, while I stood there with my mouth wide open because my Rabbit IS active duty and NEEDS a sea bag.

After the guy left I told the lady, in the nicest way possible, that that sea bag was supposed to be mine and she kindly told me that I could drive over to the other base and see if they had any but it’s an hour away and I don’t think so.

It’s not that big of a deal, I know, but it sort of just lit my britches on fire for brief second. Lucky for them I was too tired and sore from torturing myself running to make much ado about it.

And I did find a very excellent pair of shoes that had never been worn. One dollar, people.  Hard to beat that kind of sweetness.

Filed under: complaining about people again

How running works

Here is a rundown of how my week has gone so far.

 

 

Gabe went with me on day 3, which was today. He was faster than me.

And he was walking.

Filed under: how it works

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