conversations around here can get pretty interesting Archives

Another conversation. Kind of.

Rabbit: So…    I was wondering if you thought that maybe it would be a good idea to let Sikorsky sleep in the garage.

Me: [blank stare]

Rabbit: You know, so she doesn’t get too cold

Me: [even blanker stare]

Now before you go and get the wrong impression of me just let me explain that I don’t hate animals. Mostly. And I feel bad for any stray cats who have to suffer freezing temperatures during the colder months, but we live in freaking FLORIDA. The highs here have been in the low 80′s. I don’t think Sikorsky is weathering too bad.

And, seriously , people. Who is this person and what has he done with my husband?

Apparently going to a fancy shmancy party thing like we did last night has a strange effect on Rabbit and me. Because we don’t really know how to behave at things like this, we seem to regress into some less-than-normal conversations.
It’s kind of like when you’re a kid and it’s your first time sitting at the grownup’s table and you are trying to act older but it just isn’t working so you give up completely…

Yeah. Like that. Only it isn’t our first time at the grownup’s table. And we’re not kids anymore.

Me: There is something missing from this table.
Rabbit: What’s that?
Me: A unicorn. A small unicorn.
Rabbit: What is it with unicorns all the time? Hey, look, Superman must have been here.
Me: What? What the heck are you talking about?
Rabbit: He left his crystals all over the ceiling.
Me: How come you can talk about Superman but I can’t talk about unicorns?
Rabbit: Because UNICORNS. AREN’T. REAL.
Me: Yes they are. They’re in the Bible
Rabbit: No they’re not. Narwhals are real. Unicorns are mythical. Big difference.
Me: Yes they are. It actually says unicorn in the King James version.
Rabbit: That could mean anything. That could mean rhinoceros.
Me: But it says UNICORN not rhinoceros.
Rabbit: Unicorn means one horn. Or one… corn? That’s weird.
Me: Narwhal means one-toothed unicorn. Or something like that.
Rabbit: What? That’s stupid. What does it have to do with teeth?
Me: The Narwhal’s horn IS a tooth.
Rabbit: No.
Me: Yes.
Rabbit: So you’re telling me he’s got a tooth that comes out of his head?
Me: No. That would be dumb. It comes out of his mouth. It’s one long tooth but he doesn’t use it for getting food. He more sword fights with it.
Rabbit: This is awesome. Here, let me joust you with my one tooth.
Me: I see your tooth is as big as mine.
Rabbit: You know what’s weird is how you know so much about Narwhals.
Me: I watched Elf.
Rabbit: And seriously, why is it called a uniCORN? Why not a uniHORN?

This is about when we realized the entire table was looking at us and I said to Rabbit:
Remember the last time we were caught being completely goofy in our own little world? It was at the Haddings and, coincidentally, we were talking about corn then too. Jimmy Crack Corn… or some variation of that song.

But actually I was wrong. I don’t know what I was remembering about Jimmy Crack Corn but while visiting our friends, the Haddings, after a pretty stressful week preparing for Kait’s graduation, Rabbit and I were de-stressing by laughing about hanger-nails, not cracking corn. Don’t ask because, honestly, I have no idea.  We’re like ginormous children. Except nobody has to remind us to brush our teeth.

P.S. You can’t actually learn anything about Narwhals from watching Elf so don’t go out and buy the movie hoping for a good homeschooling lesson. You’ll be disappointed. Probably.

Conversation Rabbit and I had while we were watching the X-Files the other night.

Rabbit: Hey, they have a lawn jockey.

Me: I think those are supposed to mean something bad. Or they use to. Or they didn’t but now they do.
         Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know anything.

Rabbit: I don’t think that one means anything bad.

Me: Speaking of… I really think it’s time I get a statue or something for the garden.

Rabbit: You are NOT putting a unicorn in our yard.

Me: What is it that you have against unicorns, anyway? Did you have a bad experience or something?

Rabbit (shaking his head): You are so weird.

Me: At least I’m not a unicorn hater.

Rabbit: Whatever. You’re still not putting a unicorn in the garden. 

Me:  [sigh]

Rabbit: But… you can have a narwhal.

Me: Oh my goodness, YES! That is the BEST idea because they’re like the unicorns of the sea!  And we live at the beach! Your wisdom astounds me sometimes, baby.

Rabbit sighed and shook his head again, almost imperceptibly.

Now, I know Rabbit only said I could put a statue of a narwhal in our garden because he is fairly certain that narwhal lawn ornaments don’t exist. However, I’m pretty sure that if I look hard enough I will find one and if I don’t I’m going to make one myself and I am going to put it in the garden and Rabbit is going to cringe but I’m going to remind him about our conversation, which is now DOCUMENTED.

This is going to be great.

How does one make a garden statue, anyway?